American Idol Season 8

I was never a big American Idol follower but this season I've been keeping up with the show religiously.  It's incredible how much talent there is among the contestants and of course, I've already got a few favorites.  

I think the reason why I'm so into it this season is because this past summer (when I was jobless and desperate) I was seriously contemplating on auditioning for the show, but of course I chickened out.  In hindsight, I feel really stupid for not doing it because that was probably the only time in my life when there would have been nothing holding me back (i.e.- school, a job). When I told my mom about this, she got upset and then laughed at me for not taking the chance. 

But what people don't know about me is that I'm incredibly shy when it comes to performing.  It is extremely nerve-wrecking for me to put myself out there for all to see and hear.  You guys don't know, but there are always a million and one thoughts moving around in my head when I'm doing anything in front of people.  I think my nerves would've eaten me alive if I actually did show up at the live auditions--that is if I could even make it that far.  

Self-consciousness is something that I struggle with each and every time I perform in front of people.  Music comes from the soul and singing is a very deep and emotional form of communication, which I think gives a little glimpse of a person's vulnerability.  It expresses a part of who you are as a person and sometimes I'd rather keep that part to myself.  And then comes the whole pride and humility issue.  It's so easy with singing for people to judge and automatically dub you as being arrogant and diva-ish.  But then on the flip side, if you're too humble, people think you're even more arrogant or that there's just something wrong with you. haha. I guess the correct recipe would be to have humility with a hint of self-confidence.  

It's hard to be a well balanced musician.  You have to learn to humbly accept the compliments and at the same time confidently acknowledge your talents.  I definitely need to do a better job at accepting others' comments, good or bad, instead of just feeling awkward all the time.  It's a learning process...sigh.

So who knows, maybe next year?